Monthly Archives: April 2011

Listen to Mamma

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My mother has taught me many things in my 22 years of life, but the one thing I can never seem to grasp is the whole “think before you speak/do something stupid” concept. Generally speaking I am the type of person that either thinks way to much about something, or doesn’t think at all,  making decisions based on pure emotion. To be honesty, neither is a good idea. I wish there was a kind of “Think-O-Meter” to tell you when you’ve thought about something just enough to make a coherent decision.
Believe me when I tell you that this “Think-O-Meter” would have come in handy yesterday when I decided that I was pissed off at someone and I wanted to piss them off just the same. The problem with doing something intentionally to bother another person is that 9 times out of 10, you succeed. You do something based on pure emotion and regret it the second you’ve done it. Now, you’ve pissed that person off, and you feel like an idiot for it. In fact you feel like a sack of crap. Good job!
How many times have you done something or based your decision on the raw emotions that are burning your insides, only to regret it? How many times have you thought so much about something that by the time you made your decision it was too late, and all you’ve ended up with is a major headache? I think both scenarios have happened to me more times than I can count. So how do I find a balance? I guess it is just something you have to consciously have to train yourself to do. Your head and your heart have to talk sometimes… if you let either of them make a decision solo, you probably won’t be very happy with the end result.
So, for the love of Pete –
listen to your mothers and think before you speak!
–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

Giveaway!

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Hey all! I’m a sucker for giveaways and so I thought I would share this one with you! (Also, I need to in order to win :P )

It is to win a copy of The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown, as well as a really beautiful necklace. Check out the site, it gives you all the information about the book! It really sounds fantastic! Goodluck!

http://www.jollygoodegal.com/

–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

My 100th Blog Post!!

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I want my 100th blog post to be special, for it to really speak to people. I want it to be the best thing that I have ever written. I want it to evoke some kind of emotion out of the reader, I want it to be the reason that new readers come back, and the reason they tell other people to visit my blog. I know you’re all expecting some fantastically long post, but today, to celebrate my 100th blog post, I’ll write only this. 
Today, I am celebrating not only my blog, but me. I am celebrating the woman that I have become. I am celebrating all of my accomplishments, my hard work, my failures, my success, my past, my present, and my future. I am not looking into my mirror to pick out my imperfections, or the five pounds that I think I may have put on. I will not think about my flat tire, or money. Nor will I wonder when I will finally be able to afford that condo I’ve been dreaming of. I will not judge myself, nor will I take today to judge other people or be envious of them. I will not be selfish today, and yet I will celebrate Me.
I hope you all do the same… there is so much about yourself to celebrate…
–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo
P.s This blog was inspired by @Casiestewart … check out her website www.casiestewart.com XX

"You make life out of what you have…"

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Today I finished reading The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton (one reason why I love holidays- I can catch up on my reading). Anyways, this novel was absolutely amazing, seriously I could not put it down, and although it touched my heart in many ways, and inspired a new project, I find myself repeating this quote over and over in my head:
“You make life out of what you have, not what you’re missing.” – The Forgotten Garden
The main character in the novel was missing her past. She was taken in at a very young age by strangers, with whom she believed to be her real parents.  When she found out that they weren’t, she felt empty and alone. Prior to that she had been living a full life, she had based it on what she had, and the people she knew, her “parents” and her “sisters”.  She didn’t even realize what was missing. After she found out the truth, she gradually made her life out of what she was missing. She became bitter and she distanced herself from the only family she ever knew. She was not made whole again until she started to appreciate what she had, as oppose to what she was missing.
What do you have? What do I have? I have a good job, a decent salary, a great family, good friends, a fantastic boyfriend, a pen, and a pad of paper. I have good days and I also have bad ones. I have suffered and I have also survived. Sometimes I find myself wishing for the easy road, wishing for a bit of luck, wishing for money, wishing … just wishing for my life to be a certain way. Not that I’m not grateful for what I already have, but I am human, I am always trying to make my life out of what I don’t have, or what I am missing. What am I missing? Well I guess I am “missing” everything that I am wishing for, everything that I long to have. The problem is that when you make your life about the things you are missing, you don’t ever make a ‘whole’ life out of what you have.
Now, I don’t know if I’m actually making any sense here, but I do hope that you can deduce what I am trying to say. By focusing on what you’re missing or what you long for, you will never appreciate the things or the people that you have in your life. In order to do all of the amazing things that you want to do, you have embrace all of the wonderful gifts you’ve been given, all of the memories you have, all of the hardships that you faced – because they are yours.
Yours to have, yours to build life on, yours to accept, and yours appreciate.

–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

P.s Happy Easter to everyone who is celebrating! Thanks for keeping up with my blog! XoXO


April 16, 2011

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Here are just a few pictures from my signing! I would like to thank everyone who came out to support me! Just to let you know, there will be 13 more copies available on the shelves in a few weeks! So if you haven’t gotten your copy, please do!


–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

Dream it. Do it. Period.

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 “If you can dream it, you can do it.” – Walt Disney


I have a plaque in my room (which I got as a gift from my best friend) with that quote on it and it never really resonated with me until yesterday. Why exactly? Well, a few years ago, while I was relaxing with my parents, I told them that my biggest dream was to see my book on the shelves at Chapters – on Saturday this dream was realized. Saturday was my first book signing, and I got to see my book sitting eagerly in the Local Interest section at Chapters. To be quite honest, the whole experience was surreal. My family members and my bestie brought me flowers, and my parents brought me flowers as well as a cake! I sat there at the front of the store, behind a wooden desk, surrounded by my family, my friends, my boyfriend, and my “in-laws”, and put my John Hancock on many books. I met many new people, and talked to a few old friends. I have never felt so supported and believed in in all my life.

I think the most amazing part was peeking the interest of complete strangers. Five strangers bought a copy of my book and were genuinely interested in what my book is about, as well as my experience with self-publishing. I was absolutely blown away. I hope that everyone who attended my signing knows how much I appreciate their love and support. I hope they know that I will never forget that day, ever. I hope the people that couldn’t attend but sent me their wishes via text, Facebook, or Twitter know that their sentiments melted my heart.

Now,  back to my point…yesterday, while I was cleaning my bedroom I looked up at that plaque on my wall and I realized that proved that quote to be true. I made my biggest dream come true. I dreamt it, and I did it. So now what? What do you do when you’ve accomplished all you’ve ever wanted to accomplish at 22-years-old? You dream bigger, you dream harder. You know now, that with hard work, perseverance, and support YOU can do anything.

You dream it. You do it….
& then.. you keep on Dreaming.  

–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

Looking Into the Past

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As I’m reading the book The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton, I understand how important a person’s past is, and how it truly makes them the person that they eventually become. This novel and its journey into the main character’s past reminded of this book that I used to get at my school library when I was in Kindergarten.  It was a small white book, about a mouse (I think) and some kind of quilt or blanket of sorts (no it isn’t from the same series as Peter Rabbit). It was a picture book with little or no words on any page – which allowed the reader to create whatever story they wanted. This book, I think, is one of the reasons that I wanted to become a writer. And as silly as this sounds I can’t get this book out of my head – nor can I remember the title.  Does anyone know what book I am talking about?!? Or how about any used bookstore in Toronto that I can checkout to see if they have it?
I think I am going to start searching, and I mean really searching for this book. Who knew that one little book about a mouse and a quilt could have such a huge impact on my life? Which makes me wonder, how many other things in my life have had the same impact? More often then not people say to forget your past and live in the present, as a matter of fact I have said and blogged about that once before, but now – now I understand the importance of looking back. Looking at how much you’ve changed, looking back at what has made you, YOU.
Its okay to look back – every once in a while – it may even keep you grounded.
–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo
.. Seriously though – does anyone know which book I am talking about!??

1st Annual Literacy Night

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Yesterday evening I took part in my old Elementary school’s first annual Literacy Night.  I got to go in and read a story to about 30 kids. I don’t know why but I was absolutely terrified to do so – kids freak me out, I’m not kidding.  Anyways, at first I was a little nervous and you could even hear it in my voice, but after the first few pages of Froggy Plays Soccer the kids really started to get involved. To see the smile on their faces as they repeated the “team chant” and the way that they genuinely enjoyed listening to the story melted me heart. Getting children involved in reading is so important at a young age and I was so happy to be apart of that night. I think it may even inspire me to write a children’s book some day.
I think another highlight of the evening was having my little brother and boyfriend there, yes I know they didn’t have to be there, it was a very casual evening but I still wanted them there. They stood at the back of the library and watched me read, they calmed me down, and they told me  I did a great job – realistically that is all I needed to hear. Could I have done it without them there? Of course, but to have them there meant so much more to me  than words can describe.
When I went to bed yesterday, I went to say goodnight to my familia, and I saw my brother sitting in bed reading my book. He and my sister have never liked  reading, they’re too active to sit down for long periods of time just flipping pages. To see him actually reading my book, after joining me at a night dedicated to get the younger generation to read gave me this indescribable feeling.  
In that moment I saw exactly how much he has changed since we were little kids, I saw how much he actually loves and supports me. I went back to my room and skimmed over my book and realized that I dedicated many poems to many people and somehow left out my little brother. Immense guilt poured over me like the black ash that covered the city of Pompeii.  Why had I not one nice poem to write about him?
My brother and I are about 7 years apart and we never really got along as kids, even today we have a daily argument. Truth-be-told we are a lot alike. We’re stubborn and we always think we’re right, and even when we know we’re wrong we’ll keep arguing just for good measure. We haven’t really started talking to each other and treating each other properly until very recently. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other, and even though he is not in my book, he is an inspiration to me in the same ways that my sister is. He always gets what he wants, he always tells me to keep fighting until I get what I want. He’s only 14 but he has a heart of gold and he is smarter than anyone I know. Between him and my sister, I couldn’t have asked for better role-models in my life.
Their support and utter confidence in me overshadows all of the fights, all of the poking fun at me, and all of the moments where we feel punching each other in the face.
So this blog, I dedicate to the best brother in the world and to all the siblings out there who sometimes feel unappreciated or unloved by their older siblings. It’s not that we don’t love you – it’s that we’re jealous that you took our spot as the baby of the family ;)
–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

First Step.

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At twenty-two years old, I thought that I knew exactly who I was. I thought that I had the confidence to overlook my past and focus on my present and my future. It’s funny how I thought that publishing my book would prove to myself that I am confident, that I have come out of my shell, that I am not afraid of anything.  That is not the case. If anything it has shown me how much more work I have to do, not only with myself but with my career. This is my first stepping stone of many. This is that kick in the crotch - that wake up call to let me know that this has only just begun, that I still don’t know everything there is to know about myself.
What do I know so far? I get embarrassed easily for no reason, I am sensitive, I am a hypocrite sometimes, I act like I don’t care or that nothing bothers me especially when it really does, I get jealous of people who spend money on themselves because I’m too cheap to treat myself to anything, I’m a little vain- but hey who isn’t, I think I know everything and I’m stubborn as hell, and I don’t let things go – ever.
 I love with every bit of my heart, and once you have my love, you never have to worry about losing it. It takes me a long time to trust people, and if you screw me over I will not be a grown up about it, I’ll probably just cut you out of my life.  People say I’m bitter, but the truth is I’m just confused. I don’t let myself just “feel” things – I try to alter my emotions to what I think they should be.
The truth is I’m a good person, and I believe that there is good in everyone. The truth is that although I try to come off as confident and strong, I’m still the same girl I was 10 years ago. I’m still trying to understand who I am and what I want to become.  Yes, I’ve come out of my shell a little bit but there is so much more in me that I am afraid to show because I hate getting made fun of. I am trying to train myself every single day to NOT care about what people think, to be more like my siblings in that respect, but it is tough.
I’m learning that I can be the person that I want to be and I don’t have to put up a wall or a front of any kind. I’m learning that you have to let go and let your emotions do their thing. Controlling your emotions so that they don’t get out of hand is a good thing, but if you do that too often, you lose sight of who you are, what you believe in, and how you really feel.
And so, today is the day for me to accept the fact that I am ever changing and growing, that I don’t need to be embarrassed of anything. It’s okay to be silly, to have fun, and even to be poked fun at. It’s time to take that stick out of my butt and to stop being so uptight. It’s time to live this life and understand exactly who I am and the woman I am becoming.
Acknowledging this is the first step.
–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

P.s My book signing is this Saturday at Chapters Woodbridge! Hope you can drop by! Xo




My Lottery

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Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt genuinely happy?  And I mean you literally had a smile on your face the second you woke up? That has happened to me for the last two days in a row and I have NO clue as to why.  It’s not that I’m not a happy person and all of a sudden I’m all rainbows and butterflies… it’s more like I woke up and was genuinely content. I haven’t felt this good since my trip to New York. It’s like my mind quieted itself and I was able to just be. You know that thing called living but without that constant fear and nagging pressure? It is definitely something that I could get used to.

But now it’s making me think – I know, thinking is never a good thing – but what could this good mood and utter relaxation mean? I’m not used to it and I secretly like feeling pressured. So now what? How long is this inner peace going to last? Should I be questioning it? Enjoying it? Or should I be trying to figure out what it means? Is it a sign?
It’s funny isn’t it, here I am blabbing on about being happy and questioning it like it’s something horrible. Why have so many of us been made to believe that:
A) Happiness never lasts
B) No one can be truly happy
C) You don’t really deserve to be happy
I know that some people get angry when another person is happy,  they make you feel like you don’t deserve what you’ve worked hard for or who you’re lucky enough to have in our life. Firstly, I give a big middle finger to all those people, and then I tell them not to worry- they have a better chance of winning the lottery than I do… I have too many great people in my life to win…
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy or content in the life you are currently living. Appreciate every person and activity that brings you happiness or contentment. Don’t sit around and question why you’re happy or how long it will last, instead stop thinking and just enjoy every single second of your day.
I don’t care what anyone says; happiness is just as much a state of mind as it is an emotion.
By focusing more on WHAT makes you happy you will lead a happier life
– & isn’t that the best way to live anyways?

–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo



P.s Thank you to all of my family, ‘in-laws’, friends, and loved ones who made my 22nd Birthday absolutely amazing. I’m lucky to have you all in my life.