Sometimes the best way to “uncomplicate” your life is by looking at it from the outside-in. Taking the third person approach and becoming the omniscient narrator of your own life will give you a different kind of clarity. If you take yourself out of the moment, you are able to analyze it a little better. This weekend I was able to do just that. I discovered what has been bothering me, I’ve noticed how I’ve been acting towards other people, and I’ve been able to understand exactly what I want out of life. 


I have also learnt a very important lesson, anything worth keeping, is worth working hard for. You need to work at every relationship, every friendship, every project, every assignment. When things come too easily you don’t appreciate them as much, and if everything is hunky-dory all of the time, it might not be real. People are meant to challenge you, to push your buttons, and to make you the best person you can be, but you have to let them. You must understand all of your faults and work hard at making them disappear. 


On Sunday I went to a graduation party for one of my best friends:



The Three Stooges (I just gave us that name) Graduate/Buddy in the middle <3



Me and Biancs … Friends since GRADE 3! I forgot how funny she is

Bianca only  LOOKS so tanned because she is standing next to us.. jealous!

I love you both!

Inside joke .. oh Bianca

I spent the day laughing, talking, and enjoying some great conversation with really fantastic people. I even ran into a few friends from high school, and was able to talk to them as if it had been just yesterday that we were in school. It’s amazing how great it feels to talk to so many unique, funny, caring, and REAL people. That party was the perfect ending to an intense and over analytical weekend. 


The best part about this weekend is the sense of hope it left me with. I feel like good things are around the corner. I don’t know what they are but I plan on enjoying this feeling as much as I can, for as long as it lasts. 


–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

I love, love, love this song. It is exactly how I’m feeling about my life right now. I feel like I’m making new decisions, new choices, and I’m literally learning to do everything all over again. It feels kind of amazing to be able to start over. I no longer know exactly where I’m going, nor do I know how I’m getting there, but I do know that my dreams haven’t changed. I know that I just want to be happy, and I think I’m on the right track. 

–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

I haven’t written in my diary since I started my blog. I thought I could use my blog as my diary, but now I find that I was wrong. Somewhere along the line, my blog stopped being a diary and became something that isn’t ME at all. It lost some of its personality, some of its essence. 


So here I am, sitting in Starbucks, letting the noise fill my head and surround me until it all the voices become one loud mumble. I can’t hear what anyone is saying, I don’t acknowledge their conversations and nor do I want to. I just want to sip my coffee and get lost in my thoughts. I like this feeling. I feel completely surrounded and yet, I feel alone enough to think and write and to try to figure out what happened to my blog. Or maybe it’s more about what happened to me. I don’t think I’ve lost something in myself and I’m not about to get all kinds of philosophical, but I do think it has something to do with passion. 


It has been a while since I’ve felt truly passionate about something. When I feel passionate and words come from my heart, my blogs are always so much better. The last time a blog came completely and solely from my heart was when I actually wrote it in my diary and then typed it out. I was always filled with so much passion when I wrote in my diary. Maybe it’s because when I wrote in my diary, I did not write for anyone else at all, I wrote completely for me. No one is meant to read my diary and that’s why I think I loved writing in it so much. I didn’t have to think about offending anyone, I didn’t have to worry about typos or grammatical errors, I just had to write. I loved doing that. 


Maybe that’s what I’ll start doing. Even if it takes me longer to blog it’ll be better that way. Even if I can’t share some of them on this blog, at least I’ll get back to my roots, back to my passion. My writing started in the form of a Diary, maybe it’s time to go back to that. Maybe my writing will get back to the way it was, better than ever, but still from the heart. 

I guess you saw this coming, but I couldn’t possibly write a blog for my Mama and not have one for Papa Vince! I know that most kids say that they have the best father in the world – but mine actually IS the best father in the world – no offence  


Let me introduce you to Papa Vince…

I love my Daddy!

This is us every Sunday – except, now we all can’t fit on the same couch. Back then we watch Columbo – now we watch Criminal Minds.

So cute

My dad is the type of person that wants to do everything for his kids, he wants to provide for them, as well as teach them the importance of hard work and dedication. He’s always been the type to spoil us, since he’s too much of a teddy bear for discipline. On the other hand, when a lesson needs to be learnt, he makes sure to teach it. Like about 10 years ago, when Jessica wanted the Alicia Keys’ Cd and wasn’t allowed to get it because she already bought something, and she asked me to ask my Dad to buy it for me so that I could  give it to her. Yeah, he wasn’t very happy about that.  He hates liars and has always encouraged us to tell the truth, even if we get in trouble.  His philosophy is that you should take your shit like a woman and get over it. 


Although I’m sure my dad was hoping for a boy while my mom was pregnant with me, he got an uncoordinated girl who hated sports. Even though I was incapable (and still am incapable) of playing sports, me and my dad have always had a few special things in common. We both love history, movies, old music, and writing. When I wanted to be a movie director, he would sit with me and come up with a whole bunch of crazy movie plots. I even wrote a short script based on one of our collaborative ideas. Now that I am a writer, he is nothing but encouraging. He still comes up with all sorts of books that he wants to see me write and he always reads my blogs – or tries his hardest too. 


I inherited his ugly feet, hairy arms, teeth, brown eyes, big heart, clumsy nature, paranoia, sensitivity, creativity, and so much more. I have become a pretty decent person thanks to him and my mother – although sometimes I wish I got my mother’s green eyes – and I am lucky to have a Dad like him.

This Father’s Day, I’d like to wish my Dad and all of the other Dad’s out there, a great one. 

You’re a great  father, and I must admit that you and Mama have raised some pretty amazing kids  

I love you, Daddy and even though your oldest daughter is getting married and moving out next year, you don’t have to worry, I’ll probably be living with you guys for the rest of my life LOL


–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

How many times have you let an opportunity for something great pass you by because of fear or because the timing didn’t seem perfect? Odds are, it’s happened more than once that you let an opportunity slip right through your fingers, and that you regretted it at least once.  


Personally, I don’t think that regret is healthy. The fact is that you did it or you didn’t do it – whatever “it” may be – and you can’t take it back. You can, however, keep your eyes peeled for the next opportunity that arises. And when it does, you can grab hold of it and embrace it. This world is filled with great opportunities, great people, and great places and if you ignore them, odds are, you’ll end up miserable. 

it’ll inspire your friends & intimidate your foes. 

A friend from work posted this video on my Facebook wall yesterday… 

I don’t know about anyone else, but it was exactly the song I needed to hear, exactly the lyrics I needed to read, and exactly the melody that I needed to sooth me. Like most young people, I’ve been faced with some tough decisions lately, and after this weekend it may even be more difficult for me to chose my way. This song reminded me that no matter what road I choose, no matter what decision I make, as long as it is in pursuit of my ultimate goal, I can and will go the distance. 


I’ve been selfishly reserved in my thoughts and analyzing every possible outcome of the choices that I talked about on my last blog. I haven’t slept, I haven’t been able to concentrate, and I’ve had a constant headache, but that just means that yet another change is around the corner. In order to “make” the right change I need to choose what will improve my life in this moment, I need to choose what I really want right now. 

• When I graduated last year, I was so happy to finally be done with the essays, the assignments, the lectures, the bullshit, and everything that goes along with a university career. Now, after only a year and a bit of working full-time, I am desperate to go back. The question is, should I? 
• I’ve been searching and finding so many internships for various magazines, but I’m worried, most of them are located downtown, and most of them don’t pay, and almost none of them guarantee a job at the end of the 3 or 6 months. But how cool would an internship at Seventeen be?
• I applied to Chapters for a part time job like a million times since I was 16, maybe if I got a job there, I would find more time to write. Spend my summer outside, relaxing, and writing. I wonder…how much of a novel I could write in 3 months?