What do I want?
I have no clue.
Sometimes I wonder if people ever really know what they want or if they just make it seem like they do. Some people seem to know exactly where they want to go in life, how they are going to get there, and who they are going to have by their side. I, on the other hand, do not know the answers of the first two – at all. I used to think I did, but now I’m not so sure.
A part of me wants to go back to school to get my honours, another part of me wants to find an internship at an amazing magazine, another part of me wants to find a part time job and spend my summer writing a novel. So, which part do I go with?
- When I graduated last year, I was so happy to finally be done with the essays, the assignments, the lectures, the bullshit, and everything that goes along with a university career. Now, after only a year and a bit of working full-time, I am desperate to go back. The question is, should I?
- I’ve been searching and finding so many internships for various magazines, but I’m worried, most of them are located downtown, and most of them don’t pay, and almost none of them guarantee a job at the end of the 3 or 6 months. But how cool would an internship at Seventeen be?
- I applied to Chapters for a part time job like a million times since I was 16, maybe if I got a job there, I would find more time to write. Spend my summer outside, relaxing, and writing. I wonder…how much of a novel I could write in 3 months?
The real question is, which one of these options will help me most in the long run. Which one of these options is best for my future, to achieve my dreams, and to get what I want, what I really, really want? I have no clue. Someone, tell me what I should do. I think my biggest fear is that instead of moving forward, I’m actually moving back. I’m scared that I’m the only 22-year-old out there who can’t decide what the heck they should do with their life or where they should go.
I’m scared that I’m going to make the wrong decision,
’cause right now… none of my options seem “right”.
–
Love Always
Vanessa Xo
