Then Again…

Posted in Something A Little Personal by Vanessa Grillone

Then Again has really made me THINNK. It’s made me think about my mom and wonder about her dreams, her thoughts. I wonder what she thinks about me, I wonder about all those things she’s refrained from saying to me. I wonder about what she thinks about the woman I’m becoming, I wonder if she sees any of herself in me. It’s difficult to see your parents as more than just parents, as people. People with dreams and thoughts and opinions. I want to know more about my mom – about my parents.

Mom, if you’re reading this — which I hope you are — I’m asking you to write me a letter, a journal, something. I’d be honoured if you could take that notebook I gave you last year and write. Whatever you’re thinking, whatever you’re feeling. I know it’s a lot to ask for but there is no deadline, no expiry date, and most importantly, no judgement. I think you might be able to find your own voice if you pick up a pen and let it guide you. You, whoever that is.

“I want to hold my life up alongside hers in order to, as she wrote, reach a point where I begin to see me–and her–in a more understandable light.”

— Then Again xxvi

i love you.

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

20May2013

Long Weekend Bliss

Posted in Book Reviews, Family Time, Just for Fun, Something A Little Personal by Vanessa Grillone

How is it Monday already? I’m convinced time goes by faster when you get an extra day off work. I love weekends for two simple reasons: sweatpants and messy hair. I love waking up early, throwing on my sweatpants (or staying in my pjs) and basking in the fact that I can be comfy and cozy all the live-long day. I spent this long weekend enjoying an extra day in my sweats, surrounded by my family, my boyfriend, books, and my notebook (all of my favourite things).

I don’t know if you’re aware of this but I am a total homebody. I go through phases where I want nothing more than to stay out of my house all weekend, then the next week I’ll be curled up on the couch with a book for two days straight. This weekend I tried my best to find a balance. I spent a lot of time at home with my family or with my book and also made time to hang out with the boyfriend’s family (and a really tall glass of sangria — thanks for that Rita!). Is it odd that sometimes I forget how much I love being around people? How much I enjoy having conversations with people? Gosh that sounds ridiculous.

I get stuck in this routine of being alone and it’s hard to get out of it, but I’m trying. It helps to surround myself with people who love me, with people who enjoy my company, with people who get me into a fit of giggles, with people I can just be myself around. The kind of people who can pull me out of my own head – I live a lot in my own thoughts and it’s exhausting.

But enough with this word “exhausting”, enough with the phrase “I’m exhausted”. I say that all too often and it’s starting to get on my nerves. I’m way too young to be tired all of the time and it’s a lame excuse made by someone who is too lazy and too uptight to enjoy her life. Quite silly, isn’t it?

Looks like I’ve got some work to do, some people to see, and a life to LIVE.

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

18May2013

Bursting the Bubble [Week 6]

Posted in Bursting the Bubble by Vanessa Grillone

After going nonstop on my Vancouver Vacation/Adventure, Week 6 felt like it went by reallllllyyyyyyy slowwwwwwww. Does anyone else feel seriously depressed after returning from vacation? I didn’t have the same spring in my step this week, my thoughts were like anchors, weighing me down, my body folding in half from the pressure until I finally collapsed on the ground.

I find that the BEST way to get over a funk like this is the read a great book, write it out, and talk to people who understand you. I wrote a hell of a lot this week (mostly emo-diary entries that I refuse to subject my wonderful readers to), I gabbed with the lovely Lindsey over lunch, and I read Sunset Park. I found the book incredibly moving, it pulled me out of my own self-inflicted misery, and it helped me understand what was really weighing on me.

“…he wonders if it is worth hoping for a future when there is no future, and from now on, he tells himself, he will stop hoping for anything and live only for the now, this moment, this passing moment, the now that is here and then not here, the now that is gone foever.” (Page 308)

Okay so that quote sounds morbid and depressing but what it’s saying is to live in the NOW. Something my parents, my boyfriend, and Lindsey have told me this week on some level or another.

* POP * * Cue Bubble Burst Moment *

The question remains, can I live in the moment and NOT let my thoughts consume me? What should I be doing to better understand what I WANT to do in the future? What choice can I make today to ensure that I am living in the moment and not thinking so much about what will happen after June 27th? So far I’ve enrolled in a seminar at Ryerson about getting published (which I think will help out with my own writing aspirations and better my understanding of what the publishing industry is all about). I’ve been poking my head around in different departments at work to try to figure out which one interests me most. I’ve also been looking into writing classes offered by Ryerson. Right now I’m interested in books, publishing, and writing so each day I do something that relates to them in some way.

I wake up every morning and ask myself what do I want to do today? What interests me? What would make me happy right now? It’s amazing to start the day that way, to really put thought into yourself and each moment. I hope to walk into Week 7 of my internship with a bigger spring in my step than ever before! I’m looking forward to the other half of my internship and will think of each day as its own entity — making each one count.

But that’s next week.

Right now it’s Saturday morning and nothing would make me happier than eating breakfast with the boyfriend and family.

So THAT is exactly what I’m going to do.

HAPPY LONG WEEKEND from my heart to yours.

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

14May2013

The Entrancing Life — A Mantra of Sorts

Posted in Book Reviews, Something A Little Personal by Vanessa Grillone

“Carlyle held that genius was an infinite capacity for taking pains. I don’t know about genius, but the entrancing life, I think, must be an infinite love of taking pains. You try it.

One more word. The ‘Great War’ has not ended. Don’t think that you have had the luck to miss it. It is for each of you that the war goes on within ourselves for self-mastery. Those robes you wear to-day are you Khaki for that war. Your graduation day is your first stripe. Go out and fight.” (Page 20-21)

These words belong to J.M. Barrie, delivered in 1930 when addressing Edinburgh University as Chancellor. Although I graduated from University a few years ago I can still relate to this speech. It’s amazing how 83 years later his message is still strong, like he has discovered some universal truth.

I’m using his words as a mantra, as a reminder that pain is part of life and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you embrace it, the better chance you have at surviving and living an entrancing life. His words will remind me to fight against anything that tries to tear me to pieces. They will reminf me to fight for the person I am and the person I want to become.

If you read his entire speech you’ll better understand the significance of what he’s trying to say. He talks about life as a play with three Acts. He talks about how we’re all in the Second Act of our life (the longest Act beginning just after graduation), the Act that doesn’t necessarily flow perfectly into the third. It is in the Second Act that you define who you are, where you figure out if you’re going to let in the bad or let in the good, where YOU experience a lot of pain (if you’re lucky), and where you (hopefully) learn how to deal with it.

Here’s to the Second Act — break a leg

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

12May2013

Vancouver 2013 [Travel Diary]

Posted in Just for Fun, Restaurant Reviews, Something A Little Personal, Travel by Vanessa Grillone

I am a horrible traveller; I hate flying, I end up constipated no matter how long I’m away from home, and if there is any kind of time change you can count me out from any event happening after 9 p.m. That said, I still LOVE to travel. I love to see new places, try different restaurants, and I love being a tourist. I’ve travelled quite a bit in the past four years but I must admit that Vancouver has been my favourite destination. For a quick recap of my trip you can check out my post on Chic Darling (which will be up shortly), for a more intimate recap, keep on reading…

Vancouver is a beautiful city surrounded by picturesque mountains. The air is so clean and fresh I felt I was breathing for the first time. The city is quaint and relatively quiet, yet filled with bikers, runners, rollerbladers, and beautiful people (there must be something in the air). The funny thing about Vancouver is that no one is actually FROM there. When you eavesdrop on conversations that is the first thing you’ll notice. They’ll say “I’m originally from Mississauga or Halifax or Barrie or Nova Scotia”. At first you’ll wonder why exactly they moved all the way out there to be a waiter but after a quick walk around the city you’ll begin to understand their motives.

On our trip we got to spend a few days with my boyfriend’s aunt and uncle. It’s amazing how different a trip can be when you know people who live there. They took us to two fabulous restaurants that we never would have found on our own: Nook (aka the best pizza ever) and Brown’s (aka Moxie’s but with good food). They were also our ride and excellent tour guides to/in Whistler, BC. I am so thankful that they were able to take us to the most beautiful place on earth, a place that will make you understand what it really means to catch your breath. Although I would recommend proper footwear, you should definitely take the ski lifts to the top of the mountain, it is the most relaxing thing I’ve ever experienced. On your way back to the city be sure to stop at all of the viewpoints — you will not believe your eyes.

Thank you Zia Anna and Zio Joe for the best day of our trip in Vancouver, I will never forget your hospitality and great conversation.

We will be back to visit sooner than later

What else can I say about Vancouver?

If you find a great deal, stay at the Rosewood Georgia Hotel. It’s clean, luxurious, and the staff is unbelievably accommodating. They have a great gym, a large pool, and a spa (which I wish I tried out). They also have a wonderful driver named Jim — he will drive you anywhere in the city (within 15 minutes of the hotel) in his Bentley — for free. AND he makes an excellent tour guide! Thanks for the rides and information, Jim!
The coffee in Vancouver is expensive and bitter. I advise a walk to Tim’s whenever you’re in the mood for a cuppa joe, it’s the ONLY good cup of coffee I had all week.
For a fancy dinner and incredible meal check out Gotham Steakhouse & Cocktail Bar. The atmosphere is both dark and romantic with a hint of class. They have a great outdoor patio with a fireplace crackling in the background if the weather permits. Alex would probably recommend the steak and mashed potatoes, while I would recommend the salmon and a brownie for dessert.
If possible, go to Vancouver with people you love — or the love of your life. Vancouver is a great city to experience with someone, especially someone who loves to explore. Someone who will take you to the art gallery and not rush you through it, who will walk around the mall with you, who will help pick out gifts for your future niece, who will make sure you don’t fall when you’re walking up snow-covered mountains in sandals. Someone who will let you rest when jet lag is kicking your ass all over town, and who will surprise you with cupcakes when you finally wake up from the longest cat-nap ever. Someone who will have flowers delivered to the restaurant just before you sit down for dinner. Someone who will make you laugh, someone who will make sure that you make the most of your trip. Someone who will make your trip unforgettable. Thank you for a great trip, Alex!

Vancouver 2013 – Photo Diary

Obligatory Wing-Shot

Granville Island Market

Us and Jim’s Bentley in Granville Island

Our Hotel

Gastown

Stanley Park

Until our next travel adventure…

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

7May2013

A Constellation of Vital Phenomena [Book Review]

Posted in Book Reviews by Vanessa Grillone

I finished reading A Constellation of Vital Phenomena on Saturday May 4th, after a three-hour uninterrupted reading stretch. My cheeks were wet with tears, my heart ached and pounded as if I drank too much coffee, my eyes stung with gratitude, and my head throbbed from feeling so many things at once. That is just the physical impact of what this novel did to me. In 384 pages, Anthony Marra discussed and depicted every kind of relationship possible. He brought me into a broken world, a disheveled country, a place where everything is in ruin and everyone is broken, but left me with a lingering sense of hope.

A haunting novel set in a nearly abandoned hospital in war-torn Chechnya that is both intimate and ambitious in scope. Eight-year-old Havaa, Akhmed, the neighbour who rescues her after her father’s disappearance, and Sonia, the doctor who shelters her over 5 dramatic days in December 2004, must all reach back into their pasts to unravel the intricate mystery of coincidence, betrayal and forgiveness which unexpectedly binds them and decides their fate. In his bold debut, Anthony Marra proves that sometimes fiction can tell us the truth of the world far better, and far more powerfully, than any news story. You will not forget the world he creates—A Constellation of Vital Phenomena and its characters will haunt you long after you turn the final page.

I don’t think I have enough words in me to describe how moving this novel really is, so I’m not going to try. What I will tell you is that A Constellation of Vital Phenomena will remind you what means to be human, what it means to love, and what it means to have hope. You will learn something different from every character you encounter and you’ll probably add them to your FAVOURITE CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME list. You will love Havaa and admire her brilliance, you will hate then love then hate then love Sonja and her broken heart, you will laugh at (and with) Akhmed and cherish him at the same time, and you will marvel at the various ways their lives are connected. The two relationships that had the greatest effect on me were that of Havaa and her father, as well as, Sonja and her sister Natasha. I understood their relationships and saw a piece of my own reflected in theirs. I am that little girl who thinks the world of her father (and mother). I am one of those siblings, there to catch the other when balance is lost, seemingly unaware of how much I need her (and my bother) too.

… her father would have found her performance enchanting, would have scooped her up in his arms…His approval sparked magic into the blandest day, could layer her in the self-confidence and security she otherwise might lack; and without it, without him, she felt small, and helpless…” — Page 44

My favourite thing about this novel? You are taken on a 5-day journey that spans over many years (past, present, and future), and although you are constantly on the edge of your seat, waiting to find out what happens next, by the last page you can bask in the comfort that there are no loose ends. I truly understand why this is one of the most anticipated books of the year and if it sounds like your cuppa tea, you can pick up a copy today (Indigo Eaton Centre has signed copies).

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

P.S. This is Random House Read #2 for the month of May!

** Synopsis taken from the Random House of Canada website **

6May2013

I thrive best hermit style

Posted in Family Time, Just for Fun, Something A Little Personal by Vanessa Grillone

One of the best pieces of advice (or scorn) my mother ever said to me was “You can’t be a hermit all your life, Vanessa!” To which I always replied by going to my room, closing the door, reading a book, and not coming down until dinner. I disliked people, I hated how no one listened to me, I avoided going outside simply because I hated smelling like fresh air, I hated the beach simply because the sand made me itch, and I was the kind of kid who would read a book inside on the couch instead of outside at the cottage with my family. Why? Well, I was a shy kid, the kind of kid who kept quiet, the kind of kid who felt uncomfortable whenever I left the house, whenever I was in a big crowd.

I’m either growing up, changing, or taking my mom’s advice and putting it to good use (probably a little bit of all three). Although there is still no greater comfort to me than staying home, I find myself wanting to get outside, wanting to take a walk on my lunch, wanting to explore, wanting to be surrounded by people. I pay attention to things like flowers blooming, I sit outside and read just to be in the company of my parents when they’re hanging out in the backyard, I go nuts when my sister talks about the baby growing inside her (I freak out every time she gets bigger), I make an effort to be home when we have company. I’m noticing there’s so much LIFE outside, so much LIVING going on, so many MOMENTS to be apart of. Sounds a little bizarre that I’m just seeing all of this now, doesn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, when I need to be left alone, I am. When I need to concentrate or just NOT be social, everyone leaves me be, but I feel as though I’m finally starting to live. I’m finally starting to see the need for a balance between all of the wonderful books and stories that I read, and the one life that I’m living.

‘Cause that’s just it, you’re only given one life and it’s YOUR fault if you’re not enjoying it, living it, breathing it.

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

4May2013

Bursting the Bubble [Week 5]

Posted in Book Reviews, Bursting the Bubble, GTA by Vanessa Grillone

It’s been a wonderfully busy week, filled with events, mailings, coffee, and picture-taking. Funnily enough, the only thing I can think about while writing this recap is the horizon. The cityscape that comes into view every morning as I merge onto another highway on my way to work. On Wednesday, the sky was a palette of pastels; blue, purple, and pink, separate and then bleeding into each other. The sun was slowly opening its eyes, its arms stretching across the sky. In the distance I saw buildings, all of which became a part of the pastel sky, like chameleons. There was something so terrifyingly calming about this scene. It whispered softly, This is exactly where you’re supposed to be.

That is what Week 5 if my internship has been about, hitting my stride, finding my place.

I feel most in my element, or most excited when I get to attend events. On Monday evening I attended the Full Count launch as – get this – the photographer/intern. I wonder if I can add that to my resume? Anyhow, the launch was held at Opera Bob’s, a really wicked pub on Ossington and Dundas. The event was filled with hot dogs, peanuts, beer, and some pretty famous names in sports (starting with the author Jeff Blair). Needless to say, the bf and dad were bursting with jealousy for missing such a great event. Although I’ve yet to read Full Count I was blown away by the amount of support Mr. Jeff Blair received from his friends, co-workers, and complete strangers. It was a FUN event and I really enjoyed playing the role of paparazzi – although I felt bad interrupting people to get a photo or blinding them with my flash.

On Tuesday I joined in on the Random House Retreat Book Club’s online chat with Tanis Rideout about her novel Above All Things. I’ve never been part of a book club and I am really glad I decided to join this one. It’s amazing to discuss and analyze books with other people, it’s even more amazing to chat with the author about their masterpiece. The next book up for discussion is Trust Your Eyes by Linwood Barclay – LET ME KNOW IF YOU JOIN!

On Wednesday I attended the Drunk Mom launch. It was another lovely event held at Ben McNally Books store. This launch was interesting for two reasons: I wasn’t working the event so I really got to mingle and I read the book (and really love it!). There were three highlights to the evening:

a) Meeting Grace O’Connell the author of Magnified World, who is super cool and very down to earth

b) Listening to the speeches made by Jowita and her editor – they both have a way with words, as well as, a wonderful presence

c) Meeting Jowita

I had a serious fan-girl moment while waiting in line to get my book signed, all I kept thinking is what do I say? What do I say? What do I say? So, when my turn came I said, “Hi I’m the intern who tweeted you that I was too shy to say hi at the office.”

Yep. I did. I said that. I am THAT cool.

Thankfully, Jowita smiled warmly and actually remembered me! She signed my book, commented on my review of her book, and posed for a photo with me. It was a wonderful moment. #InternPerks

On Friday I woke up a little tired but ready and willing to tackle the day. The sun was shining, the birds were conversing happily, the lady at Tim’s made me the most delicious cup of coffee, and I had one of mom’s (famous) peanut butter muffins for breakfast — all was going well until I got to Wilson subway station and realized there was no service from there to Eglington.

Hello0000 shuttle bus crammed like a can of sardines with sweaty people!

Hellooooo Mr. Bus Diver! Although I appreciate the ride you, COULD have warned me that I was standing too close to the doors before you opened them — my foot was nearly severed.

I guess I shouldn’t get too upset about all of that nonsense because in the afternoon I got to go with Anne (Publicity Assistant and Awesome Person) and Anthony Marra (Author of A Constellation of Vital Phenomena) to a few bookstores so he could sign stock. And then, he signed my copy too! I’ve been reading his novel for a few days and am at the point where I genuinely care about each character and can’t wait to find out what happens next. You can follow Anthony Marra on Twitter and talk to him about his novel (it comes out on TUESDAY).

All in all I had a pretty sweet week. I’m exhausted and not even remotely ready for my trip to Vancouver but who cares? I met some incredible authors, attended some great launches, and learned a few more things about Publicity, Online Marketing, and what it takes to get a book OUT THERE.

It can’t get any sweeter than that…

…okay… maybe it can

—

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

P.S. Stay tuned for some “beauty/fashion” posts during my trip to Vancouver, as well as, a trip recap on Chic Darling. Bursting the Bubble will be back after Week 6 of my internship (May 18th).

30Apr2013

RAWR

Posted in GTA, Just for Fun, Something A Little Personal by Vanessa Grillone

My head is extremely LOUD ~~and incredibly close~~ this week, there are so many thoughts forming that I can’t process them all.

I can’t even write a proper to-do list without giving myself a headache.

I need a breather, some fresh air, some sunlight, a walk.

…I’m cured.

—
Love Always
Vanessa Xo

28Apr2013

Living for the Weekend…

Posted in Just for Fun, Restaurant Reviews, Something A Little Personal by Vanessa Grillone

Although I love my busy weekdays, nothing compares to a weekend filled with great food, great company, an interesting book, and a sun that won’t stop shining. During the week I don’t see much of my family, sometimes it’s two or three days before I actually see my brother, so I love spending weekends in their company. On Friday my sister and bf came over and we had a movie date with my dad — Django Unchained is the best movie ever!

My niece is getting big (or so I would assume by the way my sister’s stomach is expanding) and she has the softest, sweetest kicks/punches. You really have to press down on my sister’s belly to feel Izzy’s punches or her heartbeat but it is the most beautiful tap I’ve ever felt. Next time Jess comes over I’m going to read Izzy a story, my favourite in fact (The Balloon Tree) so she can get used to hearing my voice.

Yesterday the bf and I went for a little drive and ended up at Katz’s Deli near Yorkdale Mall. My mouth is watering just thinking about the warm corned beef sandwich on rye bread, topped with mustard, that we demolished in about 30 seconds. It’s a great place with deliciously fresh food and fantastic coffee. It’s been around since 1970 and is the perfect Saturday meal. They have an eat-in and take-out option and their cashier is a wonderful old man, using an old-school cash register, cracking jokes at your expense. I will be back more often than I should now that I know how close it is to the subway.

I hope you all enjoyed this beautiful sunny weekend.

I hope you spent it with the people you love, with wonderful food, and with the comfort that comes from having a great book waiting for you whenever you get home.