I had an interesting talk with my boss last night and after he told me an old Italian saying – chi di speranza vive, disperato muore – I realized that my bitterness towards optimism, the future, hope, and dreams has finally melted away; every last remnant disappeared.
Don’t get it twisted, my boss was not trying to depress me. He followed that quote saying, ”What is meant to happen will happen when it’s supposed to. Not before, not after”. He reminded me that hope is good, action is important, but at the end of the day sometimes it’s best to sit still and wait it out. Rash actions sprung from despair are the ones you will regret most.
Life is wonderful even if it’s still, stagnant — or maybe it just appears stagnant because I’m not in the constant frenzy of plan-making. Maybe it seems still because I’m content and confident that something decent will happen soon.
Maybe I like the stillness, the calm, the present-day living surrounded by a feeling of hope.
Sometimes I let myself float through life and not think about anything. I simply do what I have to do in that moment, in that day. In fact I normally find something to take up so much of my time that I don’t have to think about what’s going on in my head, or in my heart. My sister’s wedding was great for that. I was able to put off a lot of decisions and focus all of my time and energy on making her day a special one (including her shower and stagette).
So, now that she is married and out of the house – what’s a girl to do but sit back and start worrying about her own life. Yikes. Still in school, still writing (and not getting far), still part-timing at the pizza place – practically standing still or running in circles, I can’t tell anymore.
Gawd, could I BE anymore EMO today?!?
Maybe I should just sit still for a while. Be content in this stillness.
Maybe then I will be able to pinpoint my goals and take the right path to get there.
Maybe I’ll let the stillness help me.